Horngry? Why wait?
From Jamaican mannish water to Peruvian maca, today on the blog, I’m serving up foods that get you in the mood. Yes, we’ve all heard that oysters, wine and chocolate are God’s gift to getting it on, but for the more adventurous spirits, w(h)et your appetite with these down and dirty aphrodisiacs from around the world.
The “Himalayan Viagra”, Ophiocordyceps sinensis, also known as caterpillar fungus, is a time-tested, Tibetan healer-approved picker upper. So what exactly is caterpillar fungus? Glad you asked. It’s a fungus that gets inside a host caterpillar, kills it from the inside out, then erupts from its head (pun actually not intended…ok…maybe it was…just a little). This love bug is not only known for giving limp noodles a lift off and a potent libido booster, it also boasts healing properties for respiratory illnesses, diabetes, anti-aging, anti-tumor and the list goes on. Getting your hands on the “Himalayan Gold” doesn’t come cheap. The cost can run upwards of $50,000 USD per pound. You’re reeeally hard-pressed for a good time if you’re willing to drop that kind of coinage on some fungus. But, hey, no judgement. We all have our kinks.
But did you die tho? No, really, a pin drop of this poisonous puffer fish could send you to an early grave. Fugu, is a Japanese delicacy that is 1,000 times more poisonous than cyanide, and is 100% deadly if not prepared properly. So, why take your chances with the “Kiss of Death”? Because it is said to leave you with a tingling sensation and a lusty euphoric arousal. Adrenaline rush, aphrodisiacal effect or an intoxicating mixture of both? Only a taste will tell.
The name speaks for itself, but you’ve got to be pretty ballsy to slurp down stewed goat head, feet, intestines and testicles. This Jamaican dish is lauded for making men more, well…mannish – giving them extra strength and vitality. You may not find this savory and spicy soup on a restaurant menu, but you will typically find it at traditional celebrations like weddings and birthday parties or at roadside stands. I’m not just jerking you around, Caribbeans love their testosterone tonics and soups. A couple other favorites are the Cow Cod Soup, made with bull’s balls and King Cock Soup made with, you guessed it…cock (rooster).
“…When I get that feeling, I want sexual
eeling healing”. Some people turn on a little Marvin Gaye to get in the mood, while others may take a more unconventional approach. Like, eating eel. This is one dish that I’ve actually tried during my time in South Korea. I can’t say I felt any of its effects, probably because I was too busy trying not to regurgitate it. But, it’s pretty obvious why this sea feeder is said to be an aphrodisiac. Let’s see…it boasts a phallic allusion and secretes a slimy substance when touched or stroked. Picture painted? Good. On to the next.
Grown in the heart of the Andean mountains, Incan warriors used this Peruvian root before going into battle to increase their strength and endurance. Aside from being packed full of nutrients, studies show that maca improves the sexual desire in both men and women and gets those soldiers marching and juices flowing. Its slightly sweet, nutty flavor makes it the perfect additive to your coffee, smoothie or protein shake to start your day off with a bang.
Nothing says “Let’s get it on” like gulping down a glass of monkey whizz. Zimbabweans swear by the almighty concoction of baboon urine mixed with beer, as it is believed that the hormones in the urine boosts sexual desire. Also, ladies, if you have a bed-hopping husband, word on the street is a little sprinkle of a baboon urine-infused “love potion” on your lady bits will keep him faithful.
Good luck with that.
There’s a reason why there’s the saying, “when the durian falls down, the sarongs go up”, because, if you can get past the pungent smell, the feel good fruit not only boosts serotonin, but also helps increase your mojo and sperm count. It may be hard to handle, but once you get to the thick and creamy flesh, you’re in for an orgasmic treat. You can find the “King of fruit” in Southeast Asia.
French for “Erection Wood”, bois bande is a boner fide, excuse me, bona fide, aphrodisiac that is made from the bark of the Richeria Grandis tree and infused into teas, rums, and wines. It is also made into powders and extracts that are sold online. But, don’t consume too much, as bois bande is known to cause priapism, painful erections lasting more than 6 hours.
Bottoms up! A glass or two of Malbec is usually enough to get the engine fired up, but if you’re looking for something a little more adventurous, to spice things up, try chugging down a glass of venomous vino. Cobra blood is believed to cure low libido and ignite sexual vigor. Some people in Asian countries, such as China and Vietnam, believe that cobras bestow powers; therefore, consuming its blood and other body parts means you will also absorb that power.
Borojo is the main ingredient in the famous Colombian “Bogotá aphrodisiac” elixir that mixes up live crab with borojo, chocolate, cola, whiskey, wine, milk and honey. This potent milkshake is said to benefit both men and women in the bedroom.
*Cues, I like big butts and I cannot lie…*
Santander, Colombia prides itself on its regional delicacy, the hormigas culonas, also known as “big-ass ants”. This Amazonian critter is a type of leaf-cutter ant whose bulging bottom is packed full of protein that’s said to offer aphrodisiac and healing properties. Toasted and lightly salted, these big-butt bites are often given as a traditional wedding gift to the newlyweds to help ignite the passion on their big night.
It’s something about the scent of a good smelling man that makes you just want to jump his bones. Amerite, ladies? This is perhaps why the sensual and seductive scent of truffles (I’m not talking about the assorted box of chocolate kind) has been turning women on for centuries. The edible fungi emits a lustful scent that replicates the male pheromone androstenone, and may make you tingly in all the right places.
As hard as it may be to understand why someone may want to indulge in whale waste, there are some people who do just that. Ambergris is a very rare delicacy that’s actually banned in the U.S. So what is it exactly? Basically, it’s the vomit of a sperm (how fitting) whale. Gross much? However, it has a history of being used in perfumes and as a passion-inducing aphrodisiac.
But Colby, all of these sound absolutely DISGUSTING! What about just the regular shmegular aphrodisiacs? Ones that don’t potentially evoke vomit or death?
Well, my friend, some believe the nastier the better
I’m not just talking food, but I got you. Here’s a list of some of the more common and palatable aphrodisiacs:
Pepitas (pumpkin seeds)
Horny Goat Weed
Things heating up yet?
As you can see, for centuries, people have been spicing things up with sex-enhancing foods and elixirs. Whether it’s all myth or magical (for your libido), fact or phallusy, who knows? Only you can be the judge.